We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
