You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
