Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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