This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
