bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
