I think I died a long time ago.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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