Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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