I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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