just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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