I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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