no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
