I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
