Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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