the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
