It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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