i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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