we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
