I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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