a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
