I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
