NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
