just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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