That's intense
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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