I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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