Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am available for nakedness
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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