How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
