Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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