I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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