Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
