Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
