tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
