i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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