I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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