i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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