at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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