Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
