I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
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Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
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Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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