my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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