On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
