no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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