that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
