yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
