i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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