Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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