Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
