Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
