I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
