I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
