Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
