She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
