so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
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the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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