i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
