I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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