He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I didn't notice because vodka
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
