woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
