No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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